Wednesday, 29 April 2009
doesn't mean i have not been sad about my marriage ending, don't get me wrong! i would have loved for it to work out; but i don't see it a failure either. it is what it is...
we tried, things didn't add up, we were not happy together we decided to split and tried to keep it as neat as possible. okay of course there are nasty details there but they are all far gone for me, no use on dwelling on them, shit happened... i got over it!
i see it as: we were two people who once made the free choice of being together and then later on made the new decision to end it and move on, no more no less.
but i am happy it is all over, the whole journey of going through court.
i didn't take a lawyer, thought i was quite capable of talking for myself, i was pretty proud of myself to tell you the truth! i did well, it was a lesson and a new thing learned for me. i am way stronger that i look! i like this. i really am stronger than i would have ever imagined. a wisdom i am happy with.
i count my blessing believe you me! i have a wonderful life, not always the easiest, never has been, but wonderful non the less!
i never seem to take the straight road, i tend to choose the one less travelled, the senic route even though it has given me some nasty scenes...i know the good comes with some bad and it is all part of life's lessons we all need to learn so i have don't get upset about things as much as i used to;
take my 16 year old daughter who ran away from home in February, she is now living with her dad, miles away, i have only heard her a few times on msn, just quickly, how are you? and i have always started the conversation; but it does not upset me anymore, i do not take it personally , i have learned that it has nothing to do with me, she is acting from her own idea, even her own idea of me, of the way she sees me, how she sees her life, the whole world. i do not take it personally.
the fact that my marriage ended, i do not take that personally either. i started off by thinking something must be wrong with me but now i realize (and i do have this one friend who tends to open my eyes or helps me open my eyes rather, thanks J) i realize that it has nothing to do with me personally.
so, well, anyway, today the sun is shining at her best and i'm certain it is supposed to be like that today, it is my day! every day is my day come to think of it!
before i go off to enjoy my day i would just like to recommend a book to you all out there, i was happy someone recommended it to me...
this book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
have a beautiful day!
*still doing a crazy happy dance*
Monday, 27 April 2009
this good bye made it much easier for me to travel home, it was what we needed apparently and trust J to know that. and thank goodness for free wi fi on the ferry!!! we chatted the whole two hours i was on so that passed in a flash!
well, all things considered with my dad and so on i had the most wonderful weekend and let things go while i could. once back home i started phoning again of course to find out what was going on with the heart operation and all that.
i picked the kiddies up from there dad's and still had a two-hour drive ahead of me to get home so we arrived home at about 8 pm, long day but i enjoyed every minute of it! the drive down to dover is so beautiful, the road is up so high it sometimes feels you can touch the sky and i love skies. i felt my lungs filling with air and joy with every mile i drove. Friendship and Love filling my Soul, realizing that i am the luckiest person on earth.
so today i end with: take care of your friends and loved ones, don't assume they just know you love them, show them whenever you can and cherish time together! it fills you with energy and bliss beyond words. and miracles such as my beautiful nana is showing me can happen! i can't help but love life.
have a wonderful sunshiny day!!!
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
inge, mail me your details you know my address! you will be recieving something soon, i will make you something cool with tim Holtz stuff ( hint hint)
Monday, 20 April 2009
then!!!! 40 minutes! yes!!! 40 minutes before landing the captain thanked us for flying with them and told us we would be landing soon! sooooooooooooooooon???? that gave me 40 minutes to build up a panic! that is looooooooooooooooooong believe me!! but i stayed calm, pretty calm! and the landing was perfect, i have never had such a soft landing! i could of kissed the captain! i was grinning like an idiot, so proud of myself, not that i was flying the plane but still i did stay calm and felt like i had overwon a barrier!
orange tree outside the bedroom is was sleeping in, the sent that came through my window was hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
i bought presents for he kids, i got my youngest daughter a spanish dress and little flaminco shoes to go with it, she looks so cute in them and she loves them, never took them off yesterday.
anyway, we had a good time, visiting some of the sights, eating colin's homemade fishpie! bowling on the Wii in the evenings, drinking wine, crafting some of the time, talking about crafts all of the time according to colin that is!
anyway the six days passed way too quickly and my travel back was okay too, i got a window seat again, right at the back of the plan! sat next to a japenese and an african man, they never opened their mouths hihi! take off was fine, no elevated heart rate or anything, landing was really bumpy but i did fine on staying calm! i am really honestly proud of myself and think i have overwon my fear now.
this is the little plane i was on! only 180 seats! i call that small!
well back in belgium now! the weather is of course super!!! we sat out in the garde nall day yesterday and i took the kids to a theme park the day before, they enjoyed themselves! i was in total agony with my back but it was good to see the kiddies having fun so i didn't mind too much! i was brave and went on some of the rides, today my therapist thought my back was a bit of a mess hihi! he said i had been brave going on the rides in so much pain!
Seeing that i have cancelled most of my workshops for the coming weeks to keep my weekends free for travelling up north for a funeral i am expecting very soon i decided to take a trip to the UK to do some shopping, visiting a friend and just enjoying my time while it lasts!!!
oh on a happier note!!!! my divorce is official as from tomorrow!!! over and done with! turning over the page, ahhhhhh, it is a relief more than anything! i don't hate him or anything, i don't wish him anything bad, i actually wish him all the best in life and i hope he will have a happy future ahead of him but i am glad we are over. we will still be mam and dad to the kids and i will do everything in my power to keep the communication going between us for the sake of the kids.
so!!! i am just me as from tomorrow!!! that is cause for celebration really! life is all about celebrating whenever possible isn't it!?
okay !this post has turned into half a book so i'm off to enjoy an hour in the garden before the kiddies come home from school! going to read a couple of pages of my book, i'm reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer, i had heard from Tim ( holtz) that lots of his friends thought it wasn't that good but i like it really. can't be compared with twilight ( same author) but non the less, i like it!
bye bye for now
i'll randomly pick a winner from the post i asked to leave a comment, i'll do that some time this week, to keep i a suprise hihi!
enjoy your day!!!
i'm not reading back for typos so just embrace the imperfections haha!
Friday, 17 April 2009
Monday, 13 April 2009
my ankle is playing up so it is a bit of a bummer when going sightseeing up in the mountains but i did well.
Sue and Colin, her husband, are really sweet and welcoming, i even had Colin waiting on me hand and foot last night haha!and he is a good cook! i got his relaxing, massaging chair last night and he never got it back all night, it was too comfy to give up!
oh, the first days the weather was awfull, really awfull, soooooooooo cold,when we went to the market on Saturday it was that cold i had to buy a fleece to wear and the man i bought it from happened to be Belgian so i had a chat in Flemish. i bought a really nice old tiny wearable magnifying glas with a little cupido angel at the top, it is beautiful, i'll post a picture soon.
today we are off to Colin's golf club for lunch and then probably have a wander around but my foot does hurt damn! tomorrow i might be meeting some of Sue's friends and then we are off to Benidorm for the rest of the rest of the day to do some shopping. and on Wednesday i will be with Sue at her shop meeting some of her customers who want to meet me cos Sue talks about me so much hihi, she has a workshop planned for them and i'll join in.
so there, a tiny update, it is hard for me to type on this qwerty keyboard seeing that i am used to an azerty keyboard and type blind so this is hard work and i have been correcting typos for ages now, i give up! hihi!
i'll get back to you all once i get home and i'll share some pics then, in the meantime i'm sure Sue will write on het blog so go click on the desire to inspire link at the side , she has put some pics on.
have a great day! enjoy the little things...
Thursday, 9 April 2009
if not sooner, you will hear from me when i get back!
in the mean while, for those who haven't commented on my previous post, you still can if you like! when i get back i will be choosing a lucky winner to a little present... you can get yourself into the draw by commenting.
i'm still dreading the flight slightly but i am invincible as i keep telling myself!!!! invincible!!!
have a great Easter and a lovely week
tarrah for now
Monday, 6 April 2009
more journaling will be added at the bottom but it was way past midnight when i put her down last night.
today the Sun is shining again, so i'm off to get these tv-watching kids dressed to go play outside and get some wonderful colour to their cheeks. i need to do some more weeding and cleaning up in the garden before i head off for my girly holiday in Spain with my friend Sue!!! only a few more sleeps!!!! the only thing i am dreading is the flight! i hate flying, honestly i am so scared of taking off and landing! i have never flown on my own before so it is an adventure and a huge challenge for me, one i am of course going to take because i have told myself that i can do it! i am invincible! :-) and i have a middle seat between two strangers! i can hardly cry and panic while sitting between strangers! and who knows, there might be a really cute single guy sitting next to me hihi. on the return flight i have a window seat! i am going to love that, once we have taken off that is!
anyway! i'm off to the garden!!!
you all have a wonderful day filled with pretty things and love!!!
ps if you were to leave a comment today i might just decide to pick a lucky person to recieve a little something....
Friday, 3 April 2009
"to fear love is to fear life"
so all there is left to do is wish you all a day filled with love, the kind you choose! free choice!!!